lonekitty Posted February 25, 2018 Author Posted February 25, 2018 I'm still ambiguous on the whole underbite thing...cuz that doesn't seem to be how my teeth rest at all. I try to rearrange the teeth into more of an underbite and it's very uncomfortable and unnatural feeling. Looking in the mirror my teeth alignment does look near regular even though I do notice that I have a horrible habit of letting my jaw go slack, which probably elongates my face. Still wondering if this is simply how my jaw looks, highly irregular and jutting. There's that and the area where the upper teeth+gum+bone area protrude (and yes I do have that--it's just hard to see in pictures) miiiight be part of the issue; even if I were to align my teeth perfectly it really wouldn't look right. In such a case I don't know what I could do...shave the jaw bone? Idk. >.< But I took a webcam vid of myself and examined it from different angles and it doesn't really bother me *too* much. I'll definitely need to see the dentist about this anyway. My doctor sent me on my way, anyways, because of my jaw pain, so we'll see what the issue is. I can see why people here, even the people trying to naysay my naysaying, say that a rhinoplasty would be more helpful. Tbh...a big part of my problem is that I do have an expectation of what I look like, or want to. I do catch glimpses of this all the time--like in the front angle laying down or stuff like that. Then I see things that just jar the heck out of me...like my undereyes, nasolabial, brow, my jaw sometimes, and then my nose. I think I mentioned that it always has bugged me. Tfw I don't even know how to explain a nose job to my family if I get one. Do I lie and say I got my nose broken? >.> Some unflattering webcam poses n my funny nose. Anyways we'll see where his input goes. I know for sure I don't think I'll ever quite be satisfied w/o surgery - it isn't like any guy my age irl thinks I'm beautiful - buuut we'll see where it goes, and my friend can sense from thousands of miles away that I'm not feeling well, so he always pries and tries psychoanalyzing me with all of his wit and wisdom. At least it gets my mind off of things, ironically.
lonekitty Posted February 25, 2018 Author Posted February 25, 2018 OH! And my medication. Tret and my antibiotics, doxycyloclone (spelled that wrong prob). Tret itself improves the look of the skin overall so it's been very helpful. And I jumped on board the Asian Beauty trend a while back for my skincare. Yes it has helped a lot--I used to be outright unable to take pictures because the redness, roughness, and acne was all over the place.. It hurt to look at myself. At the moment I think my Cerave lotion, curology, and tret are the only american skincare products. Looking for something more badass then my Cerave rn.
lonekitty Posted March 2, 2018 Author Posted March 2, 2018 Ah, still things haven't been going well. I mean, I've been trying to stay positive but it's sorta hard. Someone said there's something wrong with my face - while pretty much judging everyone else in the room as being normal-looking - and my doctor confirmed that the shape of my jaw and mouth is just odd, that I don't actually have an underbite...in fact, if I were to get braces it may even make my jaw appear more pronounced. Sigh. Life really is unfair. I hate basically getting the confirmation that people only look because my face is just that uncomfortable and eerie... I guess it's true though--I can only know how to fix my face if I consult with a real surgeon.
lonekitty Posted March 2, 2018 Author Posted March 2, 2018 That was...kinda a weird thing announce to the world, also sorta mean, but go ahead. See ya some other time. I'm not trying to be negative here. Just am very much taking what feedback irl I get and it's been no good. Isn't like I can control it. All only derogatory things and I can't help it if it wears on me...being less than attractive is one thing, but being deformed is another.
purplesky123 Posted March 2, 2018 Posted March 2, 2018 HEYY its been a while and I am having a hard time too. My Mid face and nose are bothering me SO MUCH. Evryone constantly thinks I am this girl whom I am not because our noses are so similar and hers looks HORRENDOUS. I mean hers has a hump and everything and I am like "But I don't have a hump..." But I guess my nose is so bad it just looks like hers. Also my mid face is just AWFUL. In every picture, I can see how long it is and it just hurts. It makes me look like a man. I have posted pictures online before and got comments on how I look like a man. I really have been looking into everything, any other ways for me to make my mid face appear shorter. I will start with the fat graft and see if that even helps. When the fat grafting doesn't help, I will then consider surgery but maybe Ill "grow" out of wanting to go that far, I hope I do. Double Jaw surgery is really a very complicated surgery and we see a lot of these before and afters but we don't see what they look like 10 yrs down the line. The truth is, all the surgeons admit to premature aging when your jaw is shaved down or some bone is removed. Yep, your skin does sag eventually and then you have a new problem to face. SO much crap, I feel stuck, UGH!! Whats worse, is I don't even have the money to go get this god damn fat grafting done. I need money and then I need to start with these small procedures. You asked if you can get injections under your eyes, yes you can. I had restylane done there, and that is ok if you really want it but if you will get fat grafting done, might as well do it in korea one shot because it will be way better and cheaper. Here is another thing I just discovered about fat grafting. Apparently when people our age do it, its pretty bad. Eventually the fat just becomes doughy-like under our skin and it looks bad down the years. This is so because they remove the fat out of the thighs, which is body fat and body fat is different from facial fat. Therefore thigh fat is foreign to the face and it doesn't suit it well especially if (like me) my thighs gain weight really fast. I wonder if I can ask them to remove the fat from my abdomen instead since it is more steady there. There is just TOOO MUCH to consider and so many risks but in the end its up to us to decide how far we are willing to go and if we should take the chances or just learn to be happy (which is the hardest part).
purplesky123 Posted March 2, 2018 Posted March 2, 2018 OH MY, I have actually been to therapy before but for different reasons. I have never felt so connected like I do now because I thought I was the only one who inspected every bit of myself like NO ONE ELSE. I actually realized that I am trying to shoot for perfection (which is insane) but if I don't, someone will notice that and I cant have someone notice something bad or wrong in me. It kills me to know that someone can see something that can make me look ugly. I think this is because of the way we are treated in society. I don't really want this topic to take a whole new turn but venting helps. I have also realized something. I was really mistreated by waaay to many people growing up and thought there had to be something wrong with me. People always say that pretty girls never get treated bad or that people will always let them know how pretty they are and show it with their actions, so when peoples actions towards you are negative, then you must look negative. The thing is, I began to actually see a lot of articles and cases of terrible things happening to other girls and MANY of them were very pretty, so I started to realize a bit that maybe its not true after all. However, I still see that pretty girls do get treated better. Some people call me "cute" or tell me "your pretty" but I swear its because of the way I behave around those I like, my actions may be cute but my appearance isn't. I don't allow people to even come near me because I am afraid of them getting too close to inspect me, so I must give off a negative vibe, therefore no one can approach. I wonder if I do have BDD, maybe not, because I cant see how I am not seeing the truth about myself. I think the thing is, I see whats really wrong with me or what can be fixed because I am with myself all the time. I have seen this face my whole life, while a stranger isn't going to notice everything at first because they don't have time to "inspect" my face. But when I am on the train or bus, people have plenty of time to inspect me and that's where my anxiety kicks in. That's where I find myself thinking "they must be thinking how long my nose looks"..."Omg, they must be thinking I look like a man"...Then when I look into peoples faces really quick sometimes and notice they are STARING at me, I see a look of disgust which interprets " OMG, eww she looks so disgusting, shes so UGLY". This crushes me every time. I do not know what these people are really thinking but it cant be anything good because everyone is always so rude and cruel to me. About seeing my dads face in mine, I just took flash pics 3 days ago and almost vomited. I felt physically sick. I don't think anyone can muster the amount of hatred I have for that demon, and I wear his face, so I must be the devil too. How can I NOT hate myself so much? I don't know how to explain that. Once in a blue moon this happens, like some days ill wake up, and I feel okay, I look in the mirror for a few seconds and feel okay so I get dressed and pumped up to go out and hangout with friends. I do my makeup feeling all dolled up, wear the cutest outfit and then the whole time thinking to myself " I am going to look so pretty when I am done". Only after all that work, I look in the mirror and in that split second, I see HIM. Literally that mans face straight in mine. His long vertical length of a long mid face, is in mine, that long ugly nose of his is in my face too, those bulging tired eye sockets are mine too. I am him. In those moments, I literally just go to the bathroom, scrub everything off, throw off all my clothes, go back into my pjs and think to myself " was I seriously delusional the whole time thinking I kinda looked cute?" .." I really wasn't looking hard enough into the mirror, OMFG I was going to walk out looking like a man".. "OMFG I was going to walk out thinking I looked pretty and people were going to want to vomit just seeing me". My mind freaks out and I start wondering what people would have thought if I actually walked out that door. I know people would have thought " She thinks she looks cute, pfffft if only she knew just how ugly she was"...and then I ask myself how DARE I look so disgusting. How dare I make others so uncomfortable to think they might be staring at a transgendered person. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against people who are trans, I just don't want to look like I am in the process of changing genders when I was born a girl, a female. I shouldn't have to go through all this hell, but I am. Many people aren't going to like to read what I write here, but this helps. Voicing this helps and knowing that others go through it at least I might see that maybe something else is at play here. I don't know, I just know that I know what I look like and what I look like makes me want to vomit and hide under my covers. I am home today because of that and I am home ALOT because of that. Very few days do I wake up and see something different, and its only during the days when I don't look in the mirror for more than a few seconds at a time and try to avoid it as much as possible. I really really want to post a pic and OP has ALOT of guts doing that and is somewhat encouraging me, but I feel so ashamed but I really want people to see that I am not crazy but I am just a girl who looks like a man.
purplesky123 Posted March 2, 2018 Posted March 2, 2018 WELL GIRLS, I looked through all my pics and I couldn't find a single pic to share because it is just terrifying and I wouldn't do that to you guys. I literally look horrific in all of them but I did run into something. A pic of me during my anorexic phase. See I believed that by losing weight, I could somehow look better r just feel better about at least one thing, my body but it took a bad turn. I lost so much weight, it showed on my face and I looked like a freaking skeleton. I realized that way too late but that's what happens when you are desperate to be in control of at least one thing in your life. You can see the lower half of my face somewhat in the pic and you can see my horrific nose and my lips that just protrude and look odd with my features anyway but that's about it. That wasn't even my lowest weight, that was in the process. My lowest weight was 82 lbs at 5'5. In the pic below I was 102 lbs ...Link is here: ME at around 95 Lbs
purplesky123 Posted March 2, 2018 Posted March 2, 2018 @Lonekitty BY the way I think that is more of an accurate pic of you since its taken from a distance (the one where you look like you are about to laugh at the gym with lockers in background) and you look SO FREAKIN CUTEEE HERE, like with all honestly. My first impression would be, "Omg she has such a cute face with an adorable smile...she looks so sweet". Some people give off a sweet vibe and that's you, no bull shiizing here, I swear on my life.
lorihmatthews Posted March 2, 2018 Posted March 2, 2018 Do you even pay attention to what you write? You need intensive therapy. You are not deformed. Please seek professional psychiatric help ASAP.
perceval Posted March 2, 2018 Posted March 2, 2018 "Being less than attractive is one thing, but being deformed is another." You say that you try not to be negative but I think you don't realize how bad this is. You've got to stop being sensitive to the terrible things of what others think of you. They're probably jealous and the guys that think negatively of you are only trying to hide their true feelings about you. I've experienced the same thing. Stand up for yourself dude. You're greater than this, and like I said earlier, you're way better off than most people. Please. By the way, this is college. You'll meet way better people in the real world afterwards that think differently to those who haven't matured enough yet. I'm not picking on your friends, I'm talking about the people there in general.
alyceg Posted March 4, 2018 Posted March 4, 2018 Seriously. You are NOT deformed. I don't know if you keep posting things like that to hear reassurance from others or if you truly believe it. If you truly believe, you desperately need help from a mental health care professional. You are absolutely not ugly and are a pretty girl. I'm even going to guess that all these people IRL aren't actually saying you are ugly or odd but it's YOU assuming that or twisting their word or thoughts so that you hear what you want. I just wish you'd look in the mirror and see how pretty you are.
lonekitty Posted March 4, 2018 Author Posted March 4, 2018 Good to see you again, purple. I think your face looks alright from what I can see from it, I really don't even see why people would vomit at you, and I'm happy to hear you do go out sometime--that's way more than what I do! The world has gotten very scary for me and it's no fun to go places...unless it's hiking or something with a friend I can trust. I'll probably just settle with some sort of eye treatment for now. And if skin sags after a double jaw there's plenty of treatments to counteract that, I'd think. I do wish I could give you advice but I don't even have any for myself! I don't know. I believe that I must have somehow taken a bunch of flattering photos tbh. Seems like the most rational conclusion to say there's something wrong with me...that's just what I've gotten. No one has ever told me to my face that I'm pretty or described me as such...well aside from here. My mom? She ****-talked my friend's mom because apparently she never called my friend pretty or tried to support her. My mom never complimented me or reaffirmed me! Nor did my dad, when he was alive. Nor do my brothers--who said that my blemishes make me ugly. Even before I had self-image issues and where I possibly started twisting the truth, only ever bad things. Weird skull, that I look like a smoker, nose, that I look like Pocahontas for some reason, that I look 30 or like a middle-aged woman, that I don't care what I looked like. Etc, etc. Never asked out or hit on aside from an online friend...It wasn't until I fell in love that I started caring about it all. Again it really doesn't help that professionals only ever just said stuff like "oh that must feel bad". Never anything to reassure that I was being irrational or something....Plastic surgery is the only certainty I have. I am truly, deeply sorry that it is. I wish it wasn't. But man...there's only so much I can take...damn, is the world just mean.
velvettini Posted March 5, 2018 Posted March 5, 2018 We really are a toxic trio lmao Mad respect for you two. I could never post pictures of myself on a public forum. Somehow, hearing other people talk about themselves the way I talk about myself makes me... kinda sad. Girl, tell me about midface issues. I'm literally obsessed with this. I think I've measured my IPD about 6 times yesterday (as if that'd magically change something...). The thing is: My midface is short, but Hypotelorism makes it appear a mile long. Like, seriously, that **** is unfixable. I'm a cyclops. I swear it's like you girls are reading my mind. In school, the same dude who touched me inappropriately and invaded my privacy all the time also called me repulsive, ugly and other horrible things. Sometimes even at the same time. Why would he touch someone he finds repulsive? It's so weird. Another dude called me cute one time and then disgusting another, but would only ever compliment and never say something negative about the pretty girls (there were so many pretty girls in my class-oh the jealousy...) ''My actions may be cute but my appearance isn't. I don't allow people to even come near me because I am afraid of them getting too close to inspect me, so I must give off a negative vibe, therefore no one can approach.'' THIS! I can not hold eye-contact for the life of me either, because... I am a ****ing cyclops. People must be disgusted when they see me. Good thing I can't use public transportation anyway. >.> ''...and then I ask myself how DARE I look so disgusting.'' All the time. Like, why me? I have given up on makeup for that reason exactly. As I am in the process of applying it, my eye asymmetry and close-setness (Is that a word? Sorry, English is not my mother tongue) anger me so much I just quit and cry. And yes, I also look like a male. A male cyclops with a recessed jaw and wide shoulders. Ew. Am actually so envious of Lonekitty and you. She has elf ears, wide-set eyes AND a short midface while you've got narrow shoulders. **** my life, to be honest. Deformed is the right word for me, not for you, Lonekitty. I am also shorter and fatter than both of you. The only time I get called pretty is when I rant about my face in front of my family and honestly, they're only telling me what I want to hear so I'll shut up. I know it. My brother straight up tells me I'm a walrus, though 'weird skull' SAME. Mine's flat but still manages to be ****ing huge. Been called Dumbo, too. My ears are ew. Come on, even if they say you're irrational, you're not gonna believe it anyway. Trust me. You're the only one who can convince your brain that you're not deformed (which you're actually far from). Didn't work for me, yet, but that's just how it is. The world might be cruel, but your own brain is the real evil mastermind behind your pain.
sweetpotato1996 Posted March 5, 2018 Posted March 5, 2018 There's nothing wrong with wanting cosmetic surgery to improve your appearance, but thinking you are deformed when you have a normal face is problematic. There are many people out there who are actually deformed, whether it be from an accident, disease, or they were just born that way. If just being "not attractive enough" is synonymous to being deformed, then what does that make those people? People not complimenting your looks or giving you enough attention doesn't mean much. Appearance is subjective anyways. From my experience, receiving compliments and affability from others usually depends on how much they like your personality, not how you look. Honestly, I think I looked the worst between the ages 12-14 (was the heaviest I had ever been in my life because I was always binging, had a big face, etc), but that was the time I had the most friends and people in general seemed to like me. Later on though (for the rest of high school and the beginning of university), I think I looked a lot better - I had lost some weight and was always thinner and in better shape than most other girls, had perfect skin, and a much smaller face than before. But that was the time I had the least amount of friends and never received any compliments from people. It was because my personality had changed, I had gone from good-humoured and loquacious to taciturn and recluse - I didn't give off warm, welcoming vibes at all. A lot of very popular girls I knew in high school and university weren't objectively beautiful, and many were kinda overweight and had acne. I doubt those people ever received dirty looks from others because of their appearance. You're probably imagining things, I do that too - usually I assume someone is pissed at me or perhaps I offended them but then it turns out that was not the case. Don't take what other people say to heart too much, a lot of the times people aren't fully honest anyways. Anyways, if you want plastic surgery, make sure it's only for yourself and not for someone else, or to fit into some ephemeral societal standard. I want plastic surgery purely for my own self-satisfaction, I don't care about other people's beauty standards and I doubt anyone will like me more or less if I look better. People's behaviour towards me has never been contingent on how bad or good I looked (well, as long as I wasn't dirty and didn't smell bad, haha), it was 100% always affected by the aura I gave off. In general, we are all too fixated on our ourselves to actually care about other people's flaws.
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