Support Group for Those Coping with Less-than-Ideal Asian Eyelid Surgery Results

[ohwon01]

Hi everyone,

I got double eyelid surgery almost 10 years in my early 20s. I've never been fully satisfied with the results; it depends on the day. I guess I'm like 60% okay with it. I don't regret getting it and sometimes i can even appreciate the results, like when I look directly in the mirror, I think the results are good enough. It's usually only when I've looked at photos or recordings of myself that I notice how high and "sausage-y" my lids below the creases still look after all these years that I start feeling crappy and spiral into despair again. 

I'm so torn about whether I want to go through with a revision, and at this point in time, I'd just like to make a decision and be done with it and not have to think so much about it again, i mean it's almost been 10 years. The reason I'm torn is because I'm not entirely dissatisfied with the results (the doc managed to even out my uneven eyes) and I'm scared to risk doing a revision and having it be botched and end up scarred and worse off than how they look now. I've read people's words on the Internet about the depression and despair they've been through over this surgery, and, in my own way, I've been down that road, and the idea of going through the lengthy recovery fills me with dread but to do it all over again on the gamble of much worse, visibly botched results is no comfort. It's horrifying.  People always want to look for the silver lining, but the reality is that sometimes the revision does more damage, not to mention I don't have the time, means, and resources to consider multiple revisions. And neither do i want to commit so much of my valuable energy to this anymore.

I wish so badly I can just accept that 60% satisfaction is good enough so I can get on with my life and not have this thing have power over me. Some days, I am okay with 60% and it is good enough. Other days, after I'm looking through photos someone took of me, I'm instantly filled with anxiety over how fake and too high and swollen they look. I wish I wasn't at the mercy of photos triggering my insecurity about my eyelid results. 

Is there anyone out there in the same boat, who is on the fence about revision, maybe don't want to do it and want to consider the possibility of accepting our less than perfect results and just moving on with our lives? I personally don't know anybody who's had the surgery and feel quite alone in this. Just hoping to find some pals/a community of support for those of us who feel like this has had a hold on our lives and minds for too long, and want to learn to let go and accept our results and GET ON with our lives. 

Please share your thoughts or PM me. We can maybe have an email group if anyone is interested. Thanks for reading.

[kino]

@ohwon01

Thanks for sharing these thoughts. I think a lot of people have been in this boat in terms of being satisfied with their results and contemplating a revision or just learning to accept their results, even if they felt it fell below their expectations. 

Sometimes we are our own worst critics, and can hyper focus on our perceived flaws. I'm reminded of that Dove "Real Beauty" commercial where an ex-law enforcement sketch artist makes two sketches of women without seeing them. He only listens to how they are described by the women themselves, and then by a random stranger who had casual chat with them. The random stranger gave a more accurate portrayal, and the women describing themselves were more critical on their perceived flaws, and less flattering in the details. 

Inside-Out vs Outside-In

It seems like your eyes are affecting the quality of your life, and if it's persistent and keeps making you feel self-conscious. Then you're on the right path by trying to make a reasonable inside-out attempt to alleviate an emotional complex about a physical flaw through inner-work. Things like self-dialog, journaling and even speaking with trusted advisors, groups and counselors will help. But after that, if you feel the approach should be surgical, or correcting the issue from outside-in (alleviate an emotional complex caused by a physical flaw through surgery) then it would be best to to understand the feasibility of those options. Anxiety comes from fear of the unknown, so you have to make the unknown known as much as possible, and that comes from speaking to revision experts.

Revision Anxiety 

Contemplating revision can be nerve wracking since you don't want it to be worse, and it's the idea of taking another risk. But it's best to understand your options so you can either eliminate surgery, or have plausible reasons to explore it as option. You will only get this from having a good consultations with experienced surgeons. 

Plastic surgery is as much mental as it is physical, so if you decide to have revision. You have to put yourself in a good headspace and make well thought out plans, and be optimistic.

This is going to sound contradictory to being optimistic, but one thought exercise I recommend is something called "Negative Visualization." It is a technique philosophers would use to make them appreciate and enjoy life. 

• Imagine a worst case scenario for your eyes now. Imagine if your first surgery damaged their function, made them uneven, or worse off then they are now. Imagine how you would feel, and how you would still be OK and survive this. Also imagine if you had revision and it turned out worse. And how you could still be OK and survive.  
• This exercise will help you to be appreciative what you have now, and might not want to have surgery, or if you do can show you that you will still be OK if things don't work out.

Be gentle with yourself, and know you're not alone in having these thoughts and its OK to have, but important to manage them or have a plan to address their concern.

Dove Real Beauty: The one on left is women describing themselves, the image on the right is a stranger describing them to the sketch artist.